meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
