so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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