Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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