Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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