I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
