the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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