pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
