sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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