you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
