You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
