Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
