hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
