i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.