is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.