Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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