Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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