I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
