put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
