oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
