HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
