apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
