im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
