Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
