I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize