Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
