Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
