Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
