Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't turn off my feet"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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