In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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