he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
