why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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