you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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