so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
