I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
