It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
