My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize