I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
