Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize