first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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