he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
