The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
