are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize