if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
