How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
