why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?