eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.