3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.