just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
