Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.