let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house