What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.