lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.