We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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