White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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