im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
