If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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