dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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