what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
