Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
