It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
