That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
a search helicopter?!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
