The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
