Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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