Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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