Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
