Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
