My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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