hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
