Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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