Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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