will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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