what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
