cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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