I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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